Pause, Listen, Speak: A Teacher’s Tool for Building Self-Control and Reducing Classroom Disruptions
PAUSE, LISTEN, SPEAK: BUILD SELF-CONTROL AND REDUCE DISRUPTIONS
In moments like these, I used to think, “What am I doing wrong?”, but I came to realize that disruptions often stem from something deeper. The truth is, disruptions often come from students who haven’t yet learned self-control or how to effectively manage their impulses.
Written by: Ali Suranovic-Stoner & Laura Reyes Wei
Every teacher knows the feeling: you’ve put in the extra hours of planning, crafted a lesson that is bound to engage your students, and you’re sure that today’s class is going to be different. But as soon as you dive in, a wave of whispers snowballs into a full-blown conversation at the back of the room. Suddenly, students are off-task and you can feel your carefully planned lesson slipping through your fingers.
In moments like these, I used to think, “What am I doing wrong?”, but I came to realize that disruptions often stem from something deeper. The truth is, disruptions often come from students who haven’t yet learned self-control or how to effectively manage their impulses.
This is where you can use a simple approach I call, “Pause, Listen, Speak”. With nonverbal hand signals and conversation stems, it’s amazing how students can be empowered to respond thoughtfully, engage respectfully, and control their impulses. Now this isn’t just about saving a lesson plan, but about building real-world social-emotional skills your students will carry with them outside of school.
Here’s how you can bring “Pause, Listen, Speak” into your classroom.
1. Pause: Teaching Students to Think Before They Act
In the rush of classroom energy, students often feel an urge to respond immediately. Whether they’re excited, anxious, or simply eager to participate, they may blurt out without thinking. The first step toward building self-control is teaching them to pause.
Start here: Begin by introducing a simple “pause” signal, like placing an index finger to the temple. Encourage students to show this signal before they speak, giving themselves a moment to gather their thoughts. Model this often by showing the signal before you respond to their questions, demonstrating how taking a moment to think can lead to more intentional communication.
Put it in Practice: Try a low-stakes question like, “Is pizza the best food?” Encourage students to use the pause signal, take a breath, and think before responding. This simple exercise shows them that pausing can be a powerful tool for self-regulation.
2. Listen: Building Active Listening Skills Through Hand Signals
One of the greatest gifts we can give students is the ability to truly listen - especially in a world where distractions are constant. Hand signals for “agree,” “disagree,” and “add-on” allow students to stay engaged without interrupting others. This not only reduces classroom disruptions, but also helps students become more mindful listeners.
Start here: Introduce a few basic hand signals - thumb and pinky extended while other fingers are curled for “agree,” fist for “disagree,” and an index finger in the air for “add-on.” As students listen to each other’s responses, they can use these signals to silently communicate their thoughts. This keeps them involved while respecting whoever is speaking.
Put it in Practice: After students think about the pizza prompt, invite a student to share their answer. Scan the room to ensure that others are actively listening and responding with nonverbal hand signals.
3. Speak: Encouraging Thoughtful, Respectful Responses
Once students have learned to pause and listen, they’re ready for the final step - speaking with intention. Conversation stems are a fantastic way to support students in expressing themselves thoughtfully and respectfully. By giving students structured ways to respond, we help them avoid blurting out and instead practice self-control with their words.
Start here: Hand out Friendzy’s conversation stems and introduce the following three categories: “agree,” “disagree,” and “add-on”. Some examples might include “I agree, but I also think…” or “Can you explain that in a different way?” These stems give students a roadmap for responding respectfully, making conversations smoother and more meaningful. Once students are comfortable with the first three categories, then introduce the remaining three: “clarify,” “prompt,” and “explain.”
Put it in Practice: The teacher will now call on a different student to respond to Student A’s answer. Prompt them to share whether they agree, disagree, or would like to add on to what was said. This builds a habit of respectful speaking and equips them with a toolkit of responses they can draw from in any discussion.
Resources to Help You Get Started
Teaching students to pause, listen, and speak won’t change your classroom culture overnight, but with consistent modeling and practice, these tools will help you get there. If you’re ready to implement “Pause, Listen, Speak” in your classroom, Friendzy has created resources to make it easy. Our desk tags, bookmarks, and posters serve as gentle reminders for students to use their hand signals and conversation stems, reinforcing self-control and respect throughout the day.
And hey, if you’re excited to try these ideas in your own classroom and have questions along the way, feel free to reach out at support@friendzy.co. We’re here to help you create a classroom where every voice is heard and respected!